The air in the living room was thick with anticipation. The usual sounds of a Tuesday afternoon the hum of the refrigerator, distant traffic faded away. The press corps, consisting entirely of a single dedicated staffer holding a smartphone with shaky hands, held its breath.
The leader of the free world had arrived.
Introducing President Marmalade, the newly inaugurated executive of the United Cat States.
This was not merely a ceremonial event, this was an act of supreme political theater. President Marmalade stood behind a podium that represented the pinnacle of feline engineering, a repurposed cardboard box, meticulously taped and adorned with the official seal. The seal itself was a masterpiece of diplomatic branding, replacing the traditional American eagle with a majestic calico, symbolizing unity across fur patterns.
Observing the President’s demeanor, one could see the weight of the office resting on his orange shoulders. He was dressed for serious business in a stark white collar and a blue and cream striped power tie a bold choice that said, I am approachable, yet I demand the finest kibble.
He did not look at the lens. True leaders look toward the horizon or, in this case, toward a fascinating dust mote floating near the ceiling fan. His gaze was fixed, intense, and unwavering, suggesting a mind deep in contemplation regarding global affairs.
While no audible words were spoken during this address, the President’s message was communicated clearly through his posture and the surrounding symbolism of the paw print spangled banners. Political analysts present at the scene interpreted his silent manifesto, outlining a rigorous new agenda for the nation.
- A hardline stance against the Vacuum Cleaner. The President vowed to classify it as a Hostile Domestic Terror and promised to hide under the bed until the threat was neutralized by the household authorities.
- A mandatory 200% increase in the distribution of Those Little Crunchy Treats in the Noisy Bag. The President argued that a well fed administration is an effective administration.
- A renewed commitment to the eternal conflict against The Red Dot. President Marmalade signaled that previous administrations had been too soft on the elusive laser menace and promised to chase it until it disappeared up the wall forever.
- Immediate demands that all closed doors remain open at all times, just in case he decides he might want to go into that room later, maybe.
As he leaned toward the microphone which bore a suspicious resemblance to a bottle cleaning brush President Marmalade’s whiskers twitched. It was a twitch of gravitas. A twitch of command.
His silent State of the Union concluded with a clear directive to his constituents, Ask not what your staff can do for you ask why your food bowl is currently only half full.
The address delivered, the Commander in Cat promptly stepped down from the podium, sniffed the microphone suspiciously, and took a three hour nap in a sunbeam to recover from the rigors of leadership.
Shannon Willis can usually be found in the company of furry friends. A passionate animal enthusiast, her work is often inspired by her deep love for cats, dogs, and the animal kingdom as a whole.
